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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23582731">Five Old Men Sitting On a Bench (Not Now, Not Ever. Never Again.)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/entity9silvergen/pseuds/entity9silvergen'>entity9silvergen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Deceit Sanders Angst, Deceit Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit Sanders-centric, Declarations Of Love, Dementia, Future (Year 2072), Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Making Up, Multi, Old Age, Oneshot, Past Relationship(s), Regrets, Sides Sing, Sides Sing Recipe For Me, Singing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, it's sad guys i'm sorry, past breakup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:27:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,438</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23582731</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/entity9silvergen/pseuds/entity9silvergen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Deceit lived a long life but not a happy one. He had regrets. Mountains of them. But with the end nearing, he refused to make the same mistakes that drove the Sides apart years ago. Not now, not ever. Never again. Their last day together would be their best. The Sides would die happy if he had anything to say about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>DLAMP, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Thomas Sanders &amp; The Sides</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Five Old Men Sitting On a Bench (Not Now, Not Ever. Never Again.)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome to this oneshot. Hope you enjoy. I loved writing it and it hurt my heart pretty bad. The prompt of sorts for this story was the line Five Old Men Sitting On a Bench.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve told you a thousand times. Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit rolled his eyes fondly. “Yes, Remus. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus’s dark, faded eyes remained skeptical and Deceit didn’t blame him. Even after all these years, Deceit hadn’t lost his touch. His lies were slicker than a greased cat but Remus was the one to stick with him after all that slickness made him slip away from… from… them. Deceit sighed. Who was he kidding? Remus could always see right through him. He had about as much confidence as a deflated beach ball and Remus knew it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit shook himself slightly, trying to regain his composure before it could completely collapse. Part of him knew there was no point but that didn’t stop him. If not for him, for Thomas. God knew he needed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do this alone,” Remus murmured, eyes retaining a tenderness unusual for him. Unusual, not out of character. Remus had a soft side but it only surfaced when things became grave. Deceit wondered how much he truly knew. Did he know this was the end? Surely he could feel it. Deceit didn’t interact with the other Sides much these days but he could sense their distress. He could feel panic in the air and he knew it wasn’t his. Maybe Virgil’s? Gosh, he hadn’t seen him in so long. Was he even the same Anxiety anymore?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The mindscape is pulling me,” Deceit told him. For now, the force was weak, like cheap puppet strings softly tugging him toward the unknown. He could resist for a bit but he didn’t know how much longer he could keep it up. They may as well have been chains. The Sides were connected to the mindscape and while the mindscape didn’t actively control them, there was little they could do to act against its will. “There’s not anything I can do about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could go with you,” Remus offered weakly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit’s lips twitched. “I wish you could. I don’t… You’re my best friend. I don’t want to leave you. It’d be a crime to let you face this alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’d be even more of a crime for you to fade without seeing them again,” Remus told him, lip peeling back a bit to flash the whites of his teeth. “This is your last chance, Dee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk like that,” Deceit whispered. “We’re not… Everything’s going to be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsurprisingly, Remus laughed. “That’s your oldest trick, Dee. Heck, I probably heard it more than anyone else. You’ve been using it to calm Thomas down since we were kids. I’m not falling for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit allowed himself a gentle, genuine smile. “Lies always did work best to shut down the waterworks after a nightmare… What a combo we were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The best,” Remus agreed with a nod so resolute Deceit forgot his worries for a split second. For a moment, it felt like the old days with just him and Remus against the world. That face reflected the spirit of a man who once stood strong and fought with the fury of the animal he was. A glint of thrill and nostalgia gleamed in his eye.“Even if everyone went off to their own corners, the mindscape couldn’t do anything to keep us apart, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Deceit said softly. Briefly, he smirked trying to slip into his old persona and come up with some quip to match Remus’s wit but nothing came to him. The expression made the muscles on his wrinkled face ache and his aged mind came up blank. The old serpentine spark was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit let out a long sigh and concern flashed in Remus’s eyes. Deceit opened his mouth to assure him but he… He didn’t want to lie. Not now, not ever. Never again. He was so tired. It had been so long. Eighty three years… Maybe fading away wouldn’t be so bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t fade without tying up all his loose ends. Reaching deep down to find the most genuine expression he could muster, Deceit spread open his arms in a silent invitation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus accepted it without hesitation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Sides really weren’t what they once were. The days of their prime were long gone. Eccentric costumes were long since replaced with more practical- yet still personal- clothing choices, scales and tentacles were faded and shriveled, sturdy builds had become weaker and decrepit, the quirks that once defined them became borderline nonexistent without any passion behind their laughter and jokes… Not that they laughed or joked much anymore. Deceit at least had Remus but the others were all alone. Why laugh when there was no one to share it with? Why joke when there was no one to hear it? What was the point of even- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit knew the moment that it all started coming apart. A fallout between the core Sides, it was something he never saw coming. Especially not to the degree it had been. And he certainly hadn’t expected all the Sides as well as their host to agree it was for the best if they all carried out their respective functions from their own corners of the mind, not contacting each other unless absolutely necessary. Casual interaction was something that had become so normal. So much that mindpalace conversations were rarely about their actual jobs. For the Sides to cut each other off so abruptly...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wondered if it was his fault. Afterall, he was a Dark Side walking in the Light. Arguably Virgil was too but he just fit with the others. Creativity, Logic, Morality, Anxiety… They worked. Creativity, Logic, Morality, Anxiety, and Deceit didn’t. Maybe he was the bad piece of the puzzle. Maybe the divide was inevitable. He didn’t know. It didn’t matter anymore. None of the Sides were to blame for their current situation. It was nothing but time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thirty years ago, Deceit hadn’t worried about getting old in the slightest but now that Thomas was facing death with open arms, he wished he had. Thomas may have had a full, happy life but his Sides certainly didn’t. Deceit had so many regrets. Mountains of them. More than he could count. Could he have done something to keep the Sides from fighting? Could he have convinced Thomas that pushing his Sides away wasn’t the best choice? Could he have kept the… Could he… Could he keep the men he loved from creating the irreparable rift that broke them apart? Could he have done something, anything, to keep them together?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know. But maybe he could. It was, afterall, the end. Death was supposed to be enlightening, wasn’t it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t worry about that now. Not when his only not-regret was standing right in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit and Remus didn’t hug often but they never held back when they did. The embrace was strong, Remus throwing himself around Deceit’s shoulders wildly and Deceit wrapping his arms around Remus’s torso like he was his lifeline. Remus and Deceit didn’t really fit but they complemented each other in a way no other Side could parallel, not even Remus’s other half, and that was more than enough. The embrace was comforting in all the right ways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Absently, Deceit was reminded that they didn’t quite have the bodies of young men anymore. Aged and withered, Deceit could feel Remus’s entire rib cage and he was sure the other Side could say the same for him. Deceit almost frowned. He hadn’t noticed their body had grown so weak these past few months. He wasn’t completely sure what was happening to Thomas. That was more Logan and Virgil’s job than his. He’d been so busy trying to soothe Thomas’s troubled mind that he didn’t really notice what was happening to his own form. The Sides’ bodies reflected Thomas’s and he’d felt weaker, sure, but pressed against Remus like this, Deceit became all the more aware of how bad their health had gotten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit was surprised to find that the smell of garbage and whatever other scents usually clung to Remus were faded. It only showed how much had changed. Without the strength to roll in swampy mud puddles or dive through dumpsters, Remus was much more… subdued. Lucid, maybe, which was probably for the best but that didn’t mean he longed for Remus to be buzzing with that old spirit of his. This was nice but it felt forgein in a way it shouldn’t. Like something was missing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit’s hand met something in Remus’s back pocket. Without pulling away from his friend’s embrace, he fished an opened, half-eaten stick of deodorant out of his pocket. Softly, he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still got it, don’t I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Deceit swallowed. Old habits die hard. “You’ve still got your touch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus pulled back a bit so he could see his friend’s face but didn’t quite withdraw completely. “Good. Cuz if I’m going down, I’m going down swinging.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know there’s no one killing us, right? It’s time. You can’t hit time with your morningstar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus’s face lit up like that was a challenge. He opened his mouth, likely to say something ridiculous or possibly even lewd, when Deceit felt something yank him backward. He stumbled, falling from Remus’s grip, and nearly ended up on the ground. Remus’s gentle, affectionate gaze suddenly became panicked and desperate. “Dee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Deceit gasped out, picking himself up and reaching out for Remus. “The mindscape is just pulling me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus’s arm stretched toward him but Deceit was pulled back before he could find a grip, their fingertips barely brushing. Remus’s eyes flashed with desperation and he broke into a run, chasing after the snake-faced Side as invisible chains dragged him backward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before, Deceit could barely feel them but now it felt like they were wrapping around him, crushing his chest, and pulling with the strength of a bull. The sudden jump in power was alarming. If it had been gradual, Deceit probably would be able to hold his ground right now but he couldn’t even find his footing. The chains just kept pulling him backward, farther and farther from his fellow Side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dee!” Remus cried and Deceit swore his heart shattered at the look of pure agony on his face. Deceit didn’t want to leave him either. After the other Sides cut all ties, Remus was the only one who remained at his side. For over thirty years, he was all he had. As much as Deceit’s heart ached for the men he loved so long ago, he would die before choosing them over his best friend. Remus had it rough. This was the end and no matter what Remus said, he didn’t deserve to face it alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the mindscape was stubborn. It was dragging Deceit away and there was nothing he could do about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye,” Deceit breathed as one final tug thrust him into the darkness that was the subconscious.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Deceit didn’t know what he was expecting when he stumbled into the subconscious but it wasn’t to find himself standing in an empty field.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he certainly wasn’t expecting to come face to face with four other figures the moment he arrived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dee! Logan! Roman! Virgil!” Patton called, face lighting up with joy upon the sight of them. He started forward only to freeze, hesitation spreading across his features. The five Sides’ eyes flickered between them, all clearly experiencing the same indecision. Deceit took an ever so slight step backward. He didn’t belong here. It didn’t matter if the mindscape thought he did. He had no place with the Light Sides. Any minute one of them would tell him-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck it,” Virgil declared and took a few sharp steps forward. He closed the space between him and the two nearest Sides, throwing his arms around their necks. Deceit’s eyes widened as the lanky arm pulled him in close. Logan, on the other hand, couldn’t keep in a surprised noise and stumbled at the sudden movement. A smile spread across Virgil’s aged face before shooting a lopsided grin in Patton’s direction. “Get in here, Popstar. You too Princey. Three’s company but five’s a crowd.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t what that expression means,” Logan muttered but no one was listening. Patton wasted no time rushing into the group hug, wedging himself between Logan and Deceit to press against Virgil’s chest. Roman spread his powerful arms and gathered the four of them in his embrace. Logan made a pained noise at the bone crushing hug but seemed to get his act together and fought to get his arms around Patton and Virgil. Patton made a happy noise and leaned his head against Roman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the while, Deceit was having a losing battle with his internal panic. Why was he being hugged? Virgil hugged him and Logan right off the bat, he wasn’t just added as a second thought. He was being included. That was the last thing he expected. Well, actually, the Sides having a group hug was the last thing he expected. Gone were the nights of cuddling and whispering silent nothings. Even facing death, Deceit thought the other Sides would still hold onto those old feelings. Ones of anger and resentment, not warmth and affection. Deceit never lost that love but he was so sure the others… But now…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck it,” Deceit muttered and leaned his head on Virgil’s shoulder. He could practically feel the former emo’s smile. Deceit snaked one arm around him, pulling him closer, and used his free hand to clasp Logan’s. It was oddly cool but there was distinct warmth under the surface. Deceit couldn’t see his face with Patton between them but a gentle squeeze was all he needed to know Logan was loving this as much as he was. Fingers intertwined, the two let an unspoken understanding float between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit couldn’t remember the last time he’d had this much contact but it felt so right. Familiar yet foregin at the same time, Deceit realized how much he missed this. How much he craved it. Roman’s strength, Logan’s sturdiness, Patton’s energy, Virgil’s tenderness… Fuck, he never wanted to let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was different, of course. The hold was strong from emotion rather than physical strength. Not that it wasn’t emotional before but it was obvious distance and time made all of them desperate and hungry for contact. Roman’s grip was as robust as ever but Deceit could feel the frail muscles under his sleeves. Virgil still curled against him in that soft way he always did but his bones jutted against Deceit’s flank. Logan’s rough hands held on tight but they were wrinkled and trembling. Patton’s nuzzles were as genuine as ever but he lacked his old boldness. It was different, not worse. Maybe even better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emotional energy buzzed around them and Deceit soaked it up like a sponge. He and Remus didn’t have moments like these all that often but when they did, it passed quickly with a few quips from either end. This… This was something so deeply genuine that Deceit could feel it in his bones. Who knew hugs could be so invigorating? He felt alive for the first time in years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan’s grip loosened and for a split second, Deceit was terrified he was going to pull away. But Logan merely slid his hand under his, tracing Deceit’s rough scales with a thumb in small, smoothing circles. Deceit closed his lips, trying to keep a content noise from escaping his lips to no avail. Virgil snorted softly with amusement and lifted his chin so he could nuzzle the side of Deceit’s neck. He felt Patton and Roman shift against him, positive they were doing something similar. They were the most expressive Sides after all. It was just all so perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit felt… secure. Protected. Warm. His constants were back after being deprived of them for so long. Love surged in his chest and he so desperately wanted to let it out. The air was ablaze with it, dancing between the Sides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But all good things must come to an end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you guys okay?” Patton asked, frowning. At the sound of his voice, the Sides began pulling away and Deceit was once again left panicking. He didn’t want to leave them. But to his relief, Virgil took his hand and followed the other Sides to a long bench standing in the field. Deceit took a seat and ran a hand over the wood absently. He hadn’t noticed it before. Had it just appeared? Was the mindscape, whatever it was, watching them?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Roman asked when the Sides settled down. Ever the actor, Deceit couldn’t tell if he was being honest or not. Surely with Thomas’s health declining he wasn’t using his Creativity. He knew Remus’s role had dwindled over the years but the stinky Side wasn’t aware of much going on with Thomas. Was Roman the same way?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t seem like Patton knew much either. “You guys are all… really thin. Have you been eating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our bodies reflect Thomas’s health, not our own,” Logan reminded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton frowned. “Is something happening to Thomas?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil frowned. “You haven’t noticed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noticed what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emotions and fantasy aren’t necessarily concerned with physical health like Logic or Anxiety,” Deceit spoke up. “They don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that makes sense… Wait, then how do you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit snorted. “Thomas is dying. Do you have any idea how much his friends and family are worrying over him? I know you don’t see me as something positive but someone’s got to cook up the lies he’s been feeding them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas is dying?” Patton whispered, the bright aura in the air suddenly plummeting. Deceit immediately felt a stab of guilt. Damn it, why did it have to be him who brought it up?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman looked just as surprised as Patton. Virgil looked away. Deceit and Logan exchanged a brief glance before Logan cleared his throat. “Thomas has been in a retirement home for a number of years. His health has been… significantly declining the past few months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman looked lost for words. “But he… Is he… Nevermind. I guess there’s no point in asking if he’s going to be alright, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit shook his head. “We’ve had a long run. Maybe not a good one but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit trailed off and empty words hung in the air. The five Sides averted their gazes and Deceit immediately felt another stab of guilt. Why was he such a downer?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Sides were silent for a moment before all trying to speak up all at once, sending them into yet another silence. Words danced between their eyes but their old methods of silent communication were gone. Unease bubbled up in Deceit’s chest. He used to always be able to read his fellow Sides but after being separated for so long, it was impossible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Those first weeks after everything broke apart were the hardest. Even if he wasn’t the most friendly Side, Deceit was a social one. His entire role revolved around interacting with others. He was incredibly lucky that Remus stuck with him all these years. If he hadn’t, Deceit was positive he’d have gone insane from the social isolation and touch starvation alone. It just felt odd that he couldn’t pick up any signs as to what the other Sides were thinking after all this time. Understandable but still odd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking of which, how horrible must it have been for the others? Patton was almost just as social as he was, practically feeding off being kind to others. And who comforted Virgil during his anxiety attacks? Did Logan have anyone to tell him to take care of himself instead of throwing himself into his work? And what about Roman? After splitting apart from Remus, he struggled with isolation. Ideally he’d be in contact with his brother at all times but even if they got along, that was no way to live. The other Sides were enough of a substitute but Deceit couldn’t imagine how he would fare without anyone at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit’s mountain of guilt was towering by now and ready to collapse. His fingers found the edge of the bench, curling around the blank until his knuckles turned white. A spike of self directed anger shot up from his belly. If he had the strength, the wood would be splintering under his grip by now. Man, he really messed up didn’t he? If things had gone differently…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry!” Deceit blurted out before he knew what he was doing, catching the other Sides off guard. Four heads shot up, clearly surprised. Deceit wanted to clap his hand over his mouth but he wasn’t going to give into cowardice. Not now, not ever. Never again. “I love you! All of you. I’m sure after everything that happened, you don’t feel the same but… Yeah. I wish things had been different. Things were so… so… good back then when it was just the five of us. I… I wanted to keep that, even after all us Sides and Thomas decided we wouldn’t talk anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other Sides were staring at him with something Deceit couldn’t read but the waterfall of words and apologies was already spouting from his mouth with no sign of stopping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really know how it happened… I never really did and I still don’t. It was bad, I know that, but I also know I could’ve done something to save us. Or you at least,” Deceit threw it awkwardly. Even after the group hug, his confidence still wasn’t all that high, okay? “I could’ve fought harder for us. Or I could’ve stepped out and you four could have… You could’ve…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit fumbled with his words as his mind blanked. What was it again? The other four Sides were better without him. He knew that. So why couldn’t he remember his reasons why? Why couldn’t he think of anything they could’ve done differently if he wasn’t there?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A strong hand seized his own and Deceit looked up to see that Roman had reached over Virgil’s lap to grab it. Distressed brown and yellow met fierce hazel. Deceit nearly flinched at the sheer resolution set on Roman’s face. What was happening?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about? You… You belong with us Deceit. Belonged, I mean,” Roman corrected. He twitched like he wanted to look away but held his gaze strong. His eyes flicked around briefly to the other Sides before settling on Deceit with the same steadiness as before. “Why are you blaming yourself? If anything, it was me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You?” Virgil spoke up. “How was it you? It was me and my stupid… everything. I cause problems. You guys didn’t deserve to be the ones stuck with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We failed you, Virgil. You were our… You were one of us and we couldn’t protect you. We abandoned you and you were the one who needed us the most. You did nothing wrong,” Roman spoke. He let out a long breath, gaze shifting to the unseen horizon. “I’m the one who made all the problems. Me and my wild ideas and my stupid ego. I never listened, I always argued with you all, I was the one who made us fight all the time. And I didn’t fight harder to protect what we had.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton opened his mouth but Logan put a palm on his thigh, silently quieting him. “I’m sure we all think it’s our own fault. We’re just going to keep going in circles. Whether all of us are to blame or none of us, I still agree with Deceit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what?” Deceit’s mind spun. What had he said again? His thoughts just poured out of his mouth, not taking the time to properly and coherently form before making themselves heard. Was Logan saying it was his fault?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still love you all. I never stopped loving you,” Logan said softly, voice almost a murmur. Deceit felt muscles he hadn’t realized were tense relax as his heart soared. Oh, how he’d longed to hear those words. Everyday, his heart yearned for them. Every night, it ached for them. Finally hearing them… God, he could die a happy man. Snake. Side. Whatever he was. He didn’t care. He was loved and that was all that mattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still love you all too,” Patton spoke up. His face scrunched up a bit as he squealed softly to himself. Deceit’s heart fluttered. How in the world was Patton still so adorable after all these years? The softness of youth was long gone but he was still just so Patton. He smiled, his grin sending a wave of warmth over his former partners. Deceit could’ve sworn it felt like his heart just started beating for the first time. “I love you. I love you Logan, I love you Virgil, I love you Roman, I love you Dee… I love all of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman reached over, putting a hand over Logan’s on Patton’s leg. “We know. I know I’m more attuned to the heart than the other Sides but I think I speak for all of us when I say we’ve always felt a bit of your love floating through the mindscape. I’m so sorry I never reached out. I know you had to be hurting but I was a coward. I love you, Pat. I love all of you. My dreams… I know I’m the fanciful one but I don’t care about that. You were always in my dreams but all I wanted was for us to be together in reality. Sometimes I’d wake up and when I saw you guys weren’t there… I still hardly believe this is real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fire spread through Deceit’s body as he tightened his hold on Roman’s hand. It was like Roman’s passion was radiating from him, the intensity sparking something back to life deep within Deceit. Something he missed so dearly. Was this what true love felt like? He certainly thought so. He missed this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither,” Virgil murmured. Deceit took his hand like Roman and Logan had taken his before. Virgil smiled at him, eyes glossy. The look made Deceit’s lips pull back, matching it. It’d been so long since he smiled like this. He never wanted to stop. “You guys know I’m not really good with words. Fight or flight, am I right? Talking’s not really my thing… I fight and I run. But I never wanted to do either of those things with you guys. You guys made me want to stop running and just stay with you. I wish things could’ve been different. I missed you all so much. I don’t think anyone could ever know how much I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We know,” Deceit whispered softly, leaning against him to press his mouth close to his ear. His lips tingled, begging him to press a kiss on his temple but he withheld. Or at least he tried. Slowly, inch by inch, his resolve weakened until contact was made. He kissed him softly, pretending like he couldn’t tell Virgil broke into a smile the moment his lips touched. “You only have to say it once. We know. We all love you too, Virgil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil let out a sigh like all the stress and tension of the past thirty years was leaving his body. “I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too bad we had this heart to heart at the end, right?” Roman joked but his tone was anything but light. “That fight was so long ago… We didn’t have to spend all these years alone. If Thomas was happy, it was worth it but I still wish all of us could’ve had our happy ending too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we… Should we try to visit Thomas?” Patton hesitantly asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil frowned. “I don’t know. It’s been so long since any of us have risen up. What if he’s forgotten us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re such a big part of who he is. I doubt he’d forget us,” Roman pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still,” Deceit said, “he was the one who suggested the five of us break up and stop rising up in the first place. Do you really think he’d want to see us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He does,” Logan answered with such confidence that Deceit nearly did a double take.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Virgil asked. His free hand twiddled nervously. Logan reached over to hold it. With the five of them lined up on the bench like this, all the comforting touches were a bit awkward but Deceit wouldn’t trade them for the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Positive,” Logan said with a nod of certainty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I was never one to really pay attention to how much influence each of us had but can you really know that?” Roman asked. His hand tightened around Deceit’s. “I mean, I want to see him more than anything but if he’s on his deathbed, I don’t want to upset him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He won’t be upset,” Logan said firmly. “He misses you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You? Impersonal pronoun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you visited Thomas without us?” Deceit questioned, almost shocked. He’d think Logan of all Sides would stick to the rules. No one else broke. Was Logan really the first and only?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan faltered but didn’t look away. “Not exactly. Thomas… He summoned me once. More than once. A lot actually. Pretty regularly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Deceit wasn’t still riding a high of love after all the declarations, he would have reeled back in outrage. Thomas broke the rule? And summoned Logan? He nearly demanded an explanation but the words got caught in his throat. Between the emotional intensity and shock, Deceit was surprised he was even sitting upright at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan quickly picked up the impact of his words. His expression shifted sharply, clearly aiming to give a quick explanation, before he froze and became hesitant once more. “Thomas… Thomas had been suffering from dementia the past few years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Worry spread across Patton’s face. “Dementia? He’s been forgetting things? But my room’s fine. All the memories are still there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dementia is far more complex than just memory loss,” Logan told him softly. “He… The first time he had a bad lapse, he summoned me. I explained the situation to him and it didn’t happen again for awhile but as it got worse, he forgot more and more. Now, he sometimes summons me twenty times in ten minutes just to ask me the same question over and over. He… Lately he’s been asking about you guys a lot. He misses you. You have to know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we do,” Deceit whispered before he could catch himself. “He… Thomas is our everything but we’re something different to him than he is to us. We’re his constants, his oldest friends. We’ve always been there for him, at least until the break off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know how anxious Thomas gets when he’s away from his friends,” Virgil added. “Imagine how difficult this is for him. I mean, we’re here but not there for him, y’know? I guess it makes sense that he’d want us there when he gets confused.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He remembers us as the ones who have always loved and supported him,” Patton said softly. He closed his eyes, almost curling in on himself. Logan moved an arm, putting it around him and letting him lean against him. Patton sniffed and rubbed his eyes, pushing his glasses up his face. “If I was confused, I’d want you guys to be there with me too. Thomas just wants to feel safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we’re his safety,” Roman concluded. He stood up abruptly, jotling Virgil and Logan on either side of him as he bounced to his feet. “So that settles it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Settles what?” Deceit asked but was already getting to his feet. No way was he letting Roman out of his sights, not with the end so close. Not after he’d just gotten him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman clapped his shoulder, grinning widely. “The five of us are going to go see Thomas!”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Deceit, ever the linguist, never used the phrase the worst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who could really say something was the farmost extreme of terrible? Deceit knew his role and he knew it well but he was far from arrogant. He wasn’t entitled to be the one to decide what was and wasn’t the worst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regardless, calling this was the worst didn’t come close to how terrible rising up felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dark Sides didn’t rise up. Only Light Sides did. It usually made them lightheaded but this time, it was so much more than that and Deceit didn’t think it had anything to do with going against his nature. Patton rose up next to him and nearly toppled. Deceit put a hand on his shoulder and pressed his back against the wall, fighting a wave of nausea that seized his throat and trying to ignore the stabs of pain shooting up his muscles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it wasn’t the discomfort of rising up that bothered him so deeply. No, it was where he rose up. Hospital or retirement home, he didn’t know. To him, they were all the same. He hated them equally. Deceit couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in a place like this but all the memories were coming back. The sickly smell of age, the distant cries of mourners and the distressed, the sickeningly ugly carpets and wallpapers, it made his mind cloud and his throat tighten unpleasantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other Sides didn’t look much better than he felt but they steeled themselves, for Thomas’s sake if not their own. This was something they had to do. The only thing they had to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit looked up, finally taking in his surroundings. The sight of the room was uninteresting and didn’t help Deceit in the slightest. The wallpaper was peeling, the rugs had a terrible odor, the simple furniture so impersonal, the bed… Oh, the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas wasn’t looking so well. Part of Deceit wanted to look away. It physically pained him to see his beloved host so unwell but after all these years without him, nothing could make him look any less beautiful. He was lying in his bed with the most peaceful expression on his face. Deceit felt like he could watch him forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleeping,” Logan confirmed, answering Roman’s unfinished question. Realization shook him and Deceit wanted to punch himself. Thomas was so still and Deceit knew for a fact the end was near. Despite Logan’s words of assurance, fear prickled his belly. What if he was already dead?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An overwhelming urge to rouse his host overtook him but before he could act on it, a knock sounded at the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The five Sides jumped, startled, and scrambled to the edges of the room out of habit. No one could see or touch them but coming into contact with a real being was incredibly uncomfortable. Years of bumping into Thomas’s friends and family honed their instinct to move at a mere sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the Sides never mastered coordination in the act and they ended up crashing into each other in the panicked frenzy. In the end, Deceit and Roman ended up plastered against each other on the wall on one side of Thomas’s bed. Virgil stood on the other while Patton and Logan hovered closer to the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door swung open slowly with a creak and three figures made their way in. Deceit and Roman exchanged a glance. Neither Side recognized either of them. Should they be concerned? Was Thomas about to get murdered?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That woman is Thomas’s doctor,” Logan provided at the confused glances. “And that’s Joan. They were bringing Thomas’s brother by today for a visit. He lives pretty far away so he doesn’t see him all that often.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” Seeing Joan again warmed Deceit’s heart ever so slightly. He was glad Thomas still had his friend in his life. Deceit never gave it much thought but everyone drifted apart at some point or another. It was a massive comfort that Thomas had someone at his side when things got rough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas,” the doctor said gently, putting a hand on the sleeping man’s arm. Thomas’s eyes cracked open and Deceit let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. What a relief it was to see those bright brown eyes again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey doc!” Thomas greeted, breaking into a smile. He turned to look at the other two only for his eyes to fall on the Sides standing near them at the door. Deceit could’ve sworn he heard Thomas’s breath hitch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Thomas,” Joan said, smiling softly as they came closer. “Do you recognize us? What are our names?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Logan! You brought Patton!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Between Logan’s face palm and Thomas’s brother’s flinch, Deceit didn’t know if he should laugh or cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patton?” the doctor mused. “That’s a new name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s been saying it?” Thomas’s brother asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you recognize the name?” the doctor asked, eyebrows raised with curiosity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. He used to say it when we were kids. Logan, Patton, Virgil, Roman, Remus and… I don’t remember the last one. They were imaginary friends, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not Patton and Logan,” Joan corrected softly, ignoring the conversation behind them. They knelt slightly, knees creaking, before opting to just take a seat in the chair beside them. As great as it was to see Joan, it hurt a bit to know that the time had taken its toll on them as well. They weren’t the young, spry person they used to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit. Sorry Joan,” Thomas apologized, tearing his eyes off the two Sides as they drifted away from the door and closer to the heart of the room. Thomas’s eyes flickered around, widening slightly as they fell on each of the other Sides, before focusing on his brother and apologizing to him as well. “I just woke up. My eyes are still on 144p, y’know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spoken like a true millennial,” Joan said sarcastically but they were smiling and the two quickly fell into casual conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas says your name?” Virgil asked Logan with a frown. “He’d gotten pretty good at functioning with us around without anyone noticing. He hasn’t done anything like that since we were kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His mind isn’t quite as sharp as it used to be,” Logan reminded. He adjusted his glasses. “We’re not physical so we don’t experience the same effects of time as Thomas but it’s just harder for him to grasp these things, even something that’s become so habitual. Usually he remembers after a few seconds and just behaves as he normally does. It’s not much of a problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see,” Deceit hummed, watching carefully. The interaction was sweet, it was clear that Joan and Thomas’s friendship was still as strong as ever. There was a bit of a disconnect between Thomas and his brother but that was to be expected. The doctor’s presence compensated for any slip ups.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One thing that Deceit noticed was that there were a lot more questions than would normally be asked in a typical conversation. And Thomas wasn’t even the one asking them. When Thomas addressed them, Joan or the doctor would ask him to say their names like Joan had when they arrived. Thomas got it every time but when they asked for his name, Thomas would blank.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He gets it after a bit of prompting,” Logan explained when Patton began making distressed noises. “That’s why they’re asking. Just these simple mental exercises…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan explained a number of things and Deceit tried to listen- he missed hearing his voice so freaking much- but Thomas had his full attention. The doctor asked him a few questions about how he was, Thomas and his brother caught up, and Joan joked around with him a bit about some old times. Hearing Thomas felt… weird. Not that he didn’t want to listen. He wanted to be here more than anything. It just felt different. Thomas was so different. A mere shell of the man he once was, it just didn’t settle well with the snake-faced Side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was still Thomas though. He still smiled. He still laughed. It was so obvious how much he cared. Affection for his host swelled up in Deceit’s chest. If only he felt this way thirty years ago. Maybe… He didn’t know. It was too late to change the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, the doctor asked Joan and Thomas’s brother to take Thomas for a walk around the residence, maybe get some fresh air. To his surprise, Thomas got up just fine. For whatever reason, Deceit was under the impression that he was bedridden. Afterall, Thomas hadn’t made any effort to get out of his bed when his visitors arrived but then again, appearances couldn’t have meant much to him at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He needed the help of a walker but Joan themself had a cane so it didn’t look too out of place. The doctor remained behind to go over her papers while the trio headed out, the five Sides trailing close behind. Thomas glanced back at them like he was assuring himself that they were going to stay close before refocusing on following his friend and brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s brother was in surprisingly good shape considering his age. He walked in a protective manner, ready to help if Thomas needed it. Thomas was strong though. Slow but so were the others. Heck, all of them were. Without real flesh or bones to cause any pain, Deceit could’ve pushed it if he wanted to but the slow, steady pace was a nice and welcome change. Remus was never one to move slowly, even as he got up there in years, so Deceit had never just strolled like this. He liked it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of Remus sent a fresh wave of sadness through him. Thomas looked fine. Death wasn’t imminent. The heart to heart with Deceit’s former- Current? Complicated?- lovers was over. Was there something preventing Remus from joining? Was he already gone? Were the Sides going to go out one by one? Fear prickled in his belly. He didn’t know if he could bear to watch the men he loved fade one by one but at the same time, he was certain he couldn’t handle knowing that the others had to watch him die if he was the first to go. Being torn away from Remus was hard enough. The kindness and love soothed his pain but his heart still felt raw. It didn’t help knowing something worse lay ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton, ever the empath, seemed to pick up his fear and softly slid his hand into his. Deceit jerked his head up a bit. He hadn’t realized his eyes drifted downward. He didn’t want to look down anyway. The carpet was disgusting. Was that a coffee stain? Or some kind of bodily fluid? He really should be able to tell by now but in all honesty, he tried not to look at Remus’s messes too carefully. Dammit. Remus again? He had to stop thinking about him or he was going to end up having a breakdown in front of the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you thinking about?” Patton asked quietly as their hands fell between them, swinging softly. Deceit watched him out of the corner of his yellow eye, most of his attention remaining on Thomas ambling up ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus,” Deceit murmured, almost too quiet to hear. He felt Patton stiffen for a moment but he didn’t break his pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. No. Maybe. I don’t know.” Deceit sighed. “I was with him before the mindscape dragged us to that bench. He’s not here so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton frowned. “Do you want to sink out and look for him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit hesitated. “As much as I’d love for him to be here, I don’t think sinking out is the wisest decision right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton nodded silently. Deceit didn’t know if it was out of agreement or mere acknowledgement but he soon drifted back into his own thoughts. Should he tell Roman? As much as the two fought, Roman and Remus were brothers and they cared for each other dearly. Roman deserved to know how Remus held up after the break.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes drifted to the other Side. Like the others, Roman’s old costume was long gone but he still had a princely aura to him. He was as old and feeble as the other Sides but the way he carried himself just made him seem so much stronger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was walking with Virgil, the two in quiet conversation. The two looked happy and Deceit didn’t want to ruin it with news of Remus. Not that he thought Roman would be angry. After the greeting he’d received mere hours ago and years of watching Remus mourn the loss of his twin, Deceit was positive that Roman bore no ill feelings about his brother. Still, the five were riding the thrill of reunion and drawing attention to the obvious lack of their sixth counterpart could bring it crashing down. Deceit felt guilty beyond words for being too cowardly to find his friend but he couldn’t kill his loved ones' happiness. Not now, not ever. Never again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group finally reached the door and Deceit was torn from his inner turmoil as he was basked in sunlight. A smile creeped onto his face as the warm rays washed over his scales. He’d almost forgotten what sunning felt like. It wasn’t quite the same in the mindscape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil chuckled at his relaxed expression and Deceit shot his best glare at him but it didn’t quite have the same sting as before. Virgil smiled and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Thomas, his brother, and Joan are going to sit out here for a bit. It’d be a waste not to do the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton released Deceit’s hand and the snake faced Side let Virgil lead him down the path. From the building’s doors, cobble pathways lead up to a shaded, benched area surrounded in brush and greenery. Virgil flopped down on the ground, leaning against the thick leg of a stone bench. Deceit made a sound of surprise as he was pulled down too. He caught himself before he could crash and was about to admonish Virgil for his carelessness but a cheeky smile from the purple clad Side silenced him before the thought could finish forming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t this nice?” Virgil asked, snuggling into Deceit’s side and leaning his head on his shoulder. Deceit hummed in agreement and closed his eyes, the warmth from his partner relaxing him in a way the sun never could. A moment later, another body joined them and Roman nestled himself on Deceit’s other side. Not bothering to open his eyes, Deceit wrapped his hand around his, their fingers meshing together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas, his brother, and Joan settled down at a table. Logan and Patton hovered around them a bit, making sure Thomas was okay, before retreating to meet the others at the bench. Even with his eyes closed, Deceit could feel Logan’s disapproving gaze. Fond but still disapproving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Benches are meant for sitting,” Logan told them. Deceit could imagine the way his lips twitched, threatening to curve upward into a smile. He always tried to keep them at bay, even now. “We’re not the men we used to be. Your terrible posture is going to give you back pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already have back pain. I’m willing to have a bit more if it means I get cuddles,” Virgil responded playfully. In Deceit’s mind, he was sticking his tongue out. Childish to the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two sit,” Roman instructed, leaning forward. “Let us lean against your legs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Sides shifted a bit to accommodate the two newcomers. The five were like puzzle pieces. They fit together perfectly. Within seconds, Logan and Patton were seated on the bench, pressed close against each other, with Roman’s head on Logan’s lap and Deceit and Virgil’s backs against their legs. Patton’s head reached down to run his fingers through Virgil’s hair. Logan leaned forward to drape his arms over Deceit’s shoulder to the best of his ability without pushing Roman away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So much for good posture,” Deceit said, leaning his head back and opening his eyes to smirk at the logical Side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan scowled. “I miss you, so sue me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit’s smirk softened. “I missed you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Sides fell into silence again and Deceit shut his eyes. He didn’t need to have his eyes open to be aware of what the others were doing- Roman’s mind was wandering, Logan was keeping focused on Thomas, Patton was people watching, Virgil was humming softly to himself. They were all just… there. And Deceit loved it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He absently listened to Thomas’s conversation as he dozed, the warmth lulling him into a light slumber. The conversation wasn’t all that interesting yet it was so intriguing at the same time. It was more of before- catching up, jokes, questions- but there were so many little things Deceit caught. Thomas’s brother was doing well. He had some kids of his own. Grandkids even. It was nice to hear about the new generation. And Joan did a lot of volunteer work in various departments now that they were retired. Thomas couldn’t recall how his days were spent but he had enough vague inklings to know he was happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was a massive relief. Thomas’s wellbeing and happiness was always Deceit’s first priority. Disconnected from his Sides, Deceit was worried how he would fare. Did he miss them? Did he regret it? How did he cope when he had problems too big to handle alone? He still didn’t know and, if Logan’s words meant anything, Thomas had struggled but at least he was okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit was half-asleep on Roman and Logan by the time a chill started to set in. He cracked his eyes open to see that it wasn’t as bright as it had been a few hours ago and the warmth of the sun was fading. Virgil hooked his arm around his to share some of his body heat, or possibly steal some, but it looked like the others were noticing as well. Joan helped Thomas up, securing the man’s grip on the walker, and the trio headed back in. Thomas cast a glance over his shoulder at the Sides and Deceit shot him a reassuring smile, letting him know they would catch up in a moment. Their old bones weren’t as strong as they once were. Getting up after being still for so long was a battle in itself. Thomas still looked hesitant but he was placated for now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton and Logan wrestled their legs free and got to their feet, offering a hand to the other Sides to pick them off the ground. Roman was on his feet in an instant while Deceit and Virgil moaned and groaned with the creaks of their joints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you you’d get back pain,” Logan said pointedly as he released Virgil’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hardy har,” Deceit monotoned, shooting him a deadpan stare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Worth it,” Virgil said, rolling his shoulders before throwing an arm around Logan casually. “Always worth it with you guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan froze for a moment before smiling and leaning into the touch. “Shall we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Sides wordlessly noticed and drifted after Thomas. Thomas’s expression relaxed when he noticed that they were following him again and slipped back into meaningless conversation with his brother and friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor was gone by the time they returned to Thomas’s room but there were a few papers left on the desk that Joan took. Deceit drifted over and peered over their shoulder in case anything serious was written but it didn’t seem like it. There were a couple notes from various caretakers asking Joan to get Thomas to do some things. Apparently he was being resistant about bathing. And he kept moving things around his room. No one knew where anything was anymore. And he was taking the batteries out of the TV remote? Deceit almost laughed. That was so bizarre. He didn’t understand it and he knew Thomas shouldn’t be doing that but it was kind of funny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joan put down the notes and ushered Thomas into the bathroom to get him to take a bath. Thomas complained a bit but a look from Patton silenced him and he ended up agreeing. Joan shot Thomas’s brother a victorious look and proceeded to wrestle Thomas into the bathroom. Logan and Patton followed, ready to help as needed. Verbally, that is. With Joan present, there wasn’t much they could do to affect the real world without revealing themselves and they didn’t want to give Thomas’s poor pal a heart attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s brother ended up stepping out to take a call, leaving the remaining three Sides alone in the main part of Thomas’s room. Deceit floated around the room a bit, inspecting Thomas’s living conditions a bit. It felt impersonal and alien but the room and furniture was decent enough all things considered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil took a seat on the bed before getting up quickly with a look of disgust. At the silent question of the other two Sides, he explained, “It just feels weird. Like really squishy and not in a nice way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the chairs are like that,” Roman complained. “And they smell like old people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The floor looks filthy too,” Deceit commented, eyeing the floor. It was probably cleaned regularly but it was dark, perfect for hiding any dirt or stains. He really didn’t want to sit on it. Then again, he didn’t want to stand either…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman smiled, reading his expression. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a vague gesture, Roman conjured a set of chairs against the far wall. Virgil gave him a grateful smile and took a seat. Roman followed, taking the middle, while Deceit took the remaining one. “Thanks Ro.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Roman responded. “I hate standing as much as you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The woes of old age,” Deceit deadpanned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They plague us all. To overcome them, we must stand together,” Virgil added dryly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I thought the point of this wasn’t to stand,” Roman joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil rolled his eyes theatrically and put up his hands in mock surrender. “Fine. You’ve got me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman chuckled. “A prince always wins but never at the expense of his knights. You guys want to play scribble or something? From the sound of things, Thomas’s bath is going to take a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a long time since I’ve played,” Deceit hummed wistfully. Not that he played much in the first place. “Remind me of the rules?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman grinned and conjured a whiteboard. They hadn’t been playing for long by the time Thomas’s brother came back inside. He didn’t seem to be doing much, just looking at his phone. It distracted Deceit briefly, never having seen a phone like that, but his attention was back on the game soon enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Joan, Thomas, Logan, and Patton ambled back into the room, Roman was unsurprisingly winning the game. Deceit ended up giving all his turns to Patton so the moral Side could join in and got out of his seat to stand beside Logan. He nestled against his side and silently leaned his head on his shoulder. Logan made a content noise and took one of his hands, the two silently watching their host.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s attention drifted to the Sides and he smiled at the sight of Logan and Deceit leaning on each other. Deceit stuck his tongue out playfully and gave a loose wave to remind Thomas not to look at them when others were there. Thomas looked a bit disappointed but nodded subtly and refocused on what Joan and his brother were talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geez, why did old people talk so much? Deceit wasn’t sick of it but it was getting boring. Joan and Thomas’s brother had been over for hours. When were the Sides going to get the chance to talk to their host? Was Deceit wrong about Thomas’s end nearing? Thomas looked fine but Logan and Virgil had the same suspicions as he did so....  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas has been having heart problems,” Logan whispered to Deceit as if he could read his thoughts. “Death due to heart conditions is often sudden and unexpected. With any luck, he will die peacefully in his sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit nodded numbly, a bit uncomfortable. Talking about Thomas like that just felt so wrong. Was Thomas ready to pass? Considering the problems with his memory and his clear annoyance with being so reliant on others, chances were that he was. But he’d just gotten his Sides back… Would that change his mind? Deceit knew he would love to have more time now that he’d been reunited with his loves and host. Did Thomas feel the same? Did he want to make up for lost time with the various pieces of himself? Or was he content with just seeing them for goodbyes?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun was setting by the time that Joan and Thomas’s brother got up to leave. Apparently they’d carpooled so they left together. Goodbyes were long despite the impossibility that either knew of the inevitable but eventually the host was left alone with his Sides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys,” Thomas breathed, a massive grin on his face. He was back in his bed but he reached his arms out and made the grabby motion toward the facets. Deceit reacted quickly, taking one of his hands while Patton rushed to claim the other. Logan seemed content with hanging back a bit at the foot of the bed while Virgil and Roman filled the spaces between the other Sides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here Thomas,” Patton whispered, rubbing one of his hands over Thomas’s. “We’re here for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s eyes were bright as they gazed up at his Morality. “I… I wasn’t sure. I thought I might be imagining things. I mean, duh, you’re imaginary but you’re also… not. After Logan told me… I was so scared I’d never see you guys again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit felt a flash of gratitude that Thomas was having a moment of clarity. He didn’t know how he would handle Thomas if he was having a bad spike of dementia. He wasn’t even entirely sure what dementia was or if some moments were worse than others. He assumed so, if what Logan said was true. Which meant it probably was. The logical Side was unaffected by the condition, it seemed, so at least that was a relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you guys been back together for long?” Thomas asked, eyes flickering between the five of them. “You guys looked pretty warm there together. Wait, have you all visited me before? I feel pretty lucid right now but, y’know...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas tapped his head and Deceit blew air out his nose in amusement. Classic Thomas. “No. The mindscape pushed us together today and we made up. We thought it’d be a good time to visit you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh good,” Thomas sighed, looking relieved. Then he paused and frowned. “Or not good. I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t that be good?” Patton asked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t it be better if we’d made up a long time ago and I’d just forgotten?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess,” Patton mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s gaze softened and he rubbed Patton’s hand with his thumb. Deceit let him have his hand back and Thomas shot him a grateful look, taking Patton’s hand in both of his. “Sorry for being such a downer. I’m really happy to see all of you. I wish it could’ve been sooner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” Patton said, smiling softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how have you all been?” Thomas asked excitedly. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The five Sides exchanged a glance. In all the hours together today, none of them had mentioned the past thirty years apart, at least in detail. Could they do that? They were all so happy. Would that ruin it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When no other Side spoke, Deceit cleared his throat and took it upon himself to begin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit told them about his days caring for his pet snakes and tending to his scales. He told them about games and jokes with Remus. He told them about pondering the work of philosophers old and finding history books to pour over. He told them about changing costumes and practicing his impressions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told them about his struggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told them about the empty feeling in his heart without the love of his partners. He told them about failing Thomas because he was too caught up in his own self-pity to conjure a believable lie when he needed it most. He told them about the nights he and Remus cried on each other until they couldn’t cry anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bit his tongue, knowing he shouldn’t have told them. But he did. He didn’t want to lie. Not now, not ever. Never again. He would spend his last day an open book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil spoke of days spent drawing and applying makeup. He spoke of daydreaming and stargazing. He spoke of listening to decades of music and laughing at stories online. He spoke of experimenting new styles and mastering his Tempest Tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He spoke of his pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He spoke of mornings where even opening his eyes was a battle since he knew there was no one there to wish him good morning when he did. He spoke of sending Thomas into anxiety attacks when his own feelings became too much to bear. He spoke of dark thoughts that almost made him do drastic things to make them stop because anything was better than facing them alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ducked his head, embarrassed. But he looked up and smiled. He wouldn’t hide. Not now, not ever. Never again. He’d spend his last day with his chin held high to meet any eyes that reached his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan described the things he learned and the functions he took over. He described calendars he drew to keep track of moon cycles and plans he wrote in the name of health. He described exploring new genres of literature and studying new sciences. He described the designs of new ties and new organizational systems for the mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He described how easy it was to lose himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He described how he threw himself into work until he collapsed because it was better than listening for voices he knew weren’t there. He described how helpless he felt when he was too exhausted to affect Thomas’s decisions. He described fits of self-directed rage when his words lost the power to guide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hands curled into fists and his knuckles turned white. But he relaxed his fingers and let them dangle at his Sides. He wouldn’t fall into inhuman habits. Not now, not ever. Never again. He’d spend his last day tender and genuine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman told them about days spent terraforming the mindscaping and adventuring the beautiful realms within it. He told them about vanquishing enemies and dancing in the warm rain. He told them about studying plays and watching endless Disney movies. He told them of learning to wield new weapons and trying his hand at new personas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told them how lost he felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told them of brainstorming sessions where he couldn’t even lift his pen because there was no one to inspire him. He told them about giving up and letting Remus control Thomas’s dreams because he didn’t have the passion to create the amazing dream he deserved. He told them about destroying his princely possessions because he felt unworthy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked away, ashamed. But he squared his shoulders and remained resolute. He wouldn’t forget the man he once was. Not now, not ever. Never again. He’d spend his last day riding forward on old memories.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton spoke of finger painting and playing with puppies. He spoke of cakes he baked and breakfasts he prepared. He spoke of silly cartoons and newspaper comic strips. He spoke of animal hoodies and writing puns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He spoke of losing hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He spoke of the days he couldn’t tell right from wrong because it felt like his heart was torn in two. He spoke of sending Thomas into depressive episodes because he couldn’t separate his own pains from his host’s. He spoke of nights he didn’t even have the energy to sleep, opting to spend hours lost in his spiraling emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears formed in his eyes, rolling down his face and staining his cheeks. But his lip didn’t tremble and no sobs escaped his throat. He wouldn’t lose control. Not now, not ever. Never again. He would spend his last day standing strong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurt. The break oh so long ago hurt them all but hearing how much it hurt the people he loved made Deceit’s chest throb and his throat tighten. An ache seized his heart and water welled behind his eyelids. Splitting ways hurt in so many ways he could never understand but could always feel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was openy crying by the time the Sides finished their tales, droplets of water freely slipping down his face. One look made Deceit’s heart break all over again. He swallowed. He couldn’t stand to see his beloved host crying. Gently, he reached out with a gloveless hand to wipe the tears away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas smiled at him and silently mouthed a thank you before reaching up to rub his nose. Deceit matched the expression. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what made you all come back now of all times?” Thomas asked, clearly trying to brighten the mood. Little did he know… Actually, judging by how his face dropped a moment later when the Sides shifted awkwardly, it seemed he did know. “Oh. Oh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton let out a ragged breath. “Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So am I…? But I feel fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suspect underlying heart conditions,” Logan answered. He adjusted his glasses. “It was how your Aunt Patty passed. It is usually abrupt and unexpected. With any luck, you will go out painlessly in your sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” Virgil said sarcastically. “Because he’ll totally want to go to sleep knowing he’s going to die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to die,” Thomas whispered. He looked up. “Not when I just got you all back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll go out together,” Roman promised. “We’ll be here when you fall asleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still…” Thomas trailed off and yawned. He froze and his eyes widened, scared. It’d been a couple hours since Joan and Thomas’s brother left and his elderly form was drained from the day. Even if he forced himself, his body would shut down on its own eventually. Not that he wanted to be awake when… whatever it was happened. Deceit wanted to scream. Why was this so hard? Then the solution hit him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There are shouters, and murmurs,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Deceit began, ignoring the heavy emotion swelling in his chest. His voice cracked but he ignored it. He wasn’t nearly as musical as the other Sides but he had to do this. If not for himself and the other Sides, for Thomas. Everything for Thomas. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Loan sharks and burglars…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Who’s good or bad?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Patton continued quietly, picking up what Deceit was planning. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Who’s to say?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Some are lost, some are searchers. Some are givers, some are earners,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman joined in. His voice was always bolder than the others but tonight he toned it down ever so slightly to fit the easy flow of the song.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But why did they all end up that way?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Virgil sang softly in his usual, almost hesitant manner. Deceit’s heart swelled. It was a joy to hear Virgil’s voice again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is it nature at play or is it the nurturer?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Patton wrapped his arms around himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is the teacher to blame or is the learner?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Logan reached out to put a hand on Patton’s shoulder but the rare display of his beautiful voice alone was enough to make Patton brighten a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m all at sea,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman went on, watching the others carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m no authority on anything but me.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Virgil’s voice quieted before picking up with the song. His face split into a grin and he tilted his head back a bit. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I couldn’t tell you why I am who I’ve become.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But I can tell you the parts that,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Logan joined, closing his eyes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“make me up, and you can calculate the sum.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll impart to you what I believe,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Deceit hummed, tilting his head, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“would be a recipe for me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas smiled and he closed his eyes. He leaned his head back on his pillow, letting his Sides’ song wash over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Water. First things first, you need a great deal of water to make me. Sixty litres is roughly what you need. It accounts for sixty five percent of my being.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Logan put a hand on the edge of the bed, tears springing to his eyes as the lyrics slipped past his lips. He swallowed away his sadness and took a deep breath to continue. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And cells. My body’s composed of trillions and trillions of cells performing an assortment of missions, and it’s important to mention they house my DNA that makes me myself.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There’s an ebb and a flow,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman sang softly, putting a hand to his chest and swaying with the song.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I grow and I see changes,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Logan continued, body stiff as a board but voice as supple as a leaf in the wind.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There are rewrites, losses, gains, and rearrangements,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Deceit said quietly, the line striking a chord in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s all much more uncertain than I thought it would be,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Virgil murmured, curling inward on himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But there’s no wrong way to be me.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Patton smiled at Virgil, comforting him without interrupting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s breathing slowed, showing he was asleep, but no one wanted to finish the song quiet yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stories. Audience or presenter, add scores of stories over time. A slew of silly videos I shared online and journals filled with narratives I wrote at age nine.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman’s voice carried sorrow that could only come from deep within but his hand didn’t shake when he put it on the bed beside Logan’s. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And still, I continue to write because I have more dreams to fulfill. Tales I hoped to tell when I was younger, ideas I haven’t made yet but I will. I’ll find a way with my will… There’s an ebb and a flow.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I grow and I see changes.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There are rewrites, losses, gains, and rearrangements.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s all much more uncertain than I thought it would be.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But there’s no wrong way to be me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Eggs. You might laugh and that’s great. Your smiles are what make my day. My self-worth’s fragile like an egg. When it breaks, it’s tough to put it together again.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Virgil rubbed his eyes and sniffed before his hand found his way to the bed, reaching for Logan and Roman’s. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And salt. A pinch of salt in my wounds when my friends have had enough of me. It doesn’t help that I’m lacking subtlety when I drop hints that I crave their company.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alone. It’s hard to console myself when I feel so alone. I feel like I disappear if I don’t shout </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m here</span>
  <em>
    <span>, if I don’t make my presence known. And if people see me here, and find my face unclear, can I help them see me better? I know I can’t foresee the weather, so will they accept me now or ever? Who knows? I hope so…”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Deceit’s voice caught when his eyes met Roman, Logan, and Virgil’s. The trio raised their hands, stretching them out for him to join them. Deceit smiled gratefully and took them, immediately feeling more warmer. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“But I’m good enough, whatever I face, I rest assured that better days wait. The path to happiness isn’t a race. I’ll let my heart beat at its own pace.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sunshine. Happy and bright, it nurtures the earth with its light. Its beaming smiles helps buds to flower. I’ll take a dash of that when friends feel sour.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Patton watched the other Sides with hopeful eyes before accepting the offer to join hands. Finally, all five hands were one. Patton let out a shaky sigh and smiled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And rainbows. A light shines through and every hue is on display. Save us a pinch for a rainy day and use it when the storm clouds go away.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s breaths grew shallow before stopping all together. Patton made a tiny noise and Virgil squeezed his eyes shut but Deceit couldn’t look away. He expected everything to come crashing down inside him but he felt… oddly content. Not happy by any means, he wished he’d had some more time to enjoy what he’d regained, but there was something warm. This wasn’t the end, he told himself. He’d insisted it was through the whole day but right here, right now, feeling how much love and warmth danced between them, Deceit was certain this could never die.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There’s an ebb and a flow.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I grow and I see changes.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There are rewrites, losses, gains, and rearrangements.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s all much more uncertain than I thought it would be.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But there’s no wrong way to be me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit felt hands tighten around his and he jerked his eyes away from Thomas’s form to see that the Sides’ intertwined fingers were fading. He looked down at himself and the other Sides and saw the corners of his body turning to ash, blowing away like dust in a light breeze. His heart reached out for them but there was nothing he could do except make this final moment last.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Now I see there’s no wrong way to be me,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Sides chorused, their voices harmonizing. They were one. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And I know putting this recipe to paper is unwise, all of the ingredients are changing all the time. I know putting this recipe to paper is unwise…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“All of the ingredients are changing all the time,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Logan breathed, his last breath going out with the final note. His body crumbled away, the first to fade, and four Sides were left standing beside their host.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Changing all the time,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Virgil sang, voice unwavering as his form faded away with Logan’s. Two hands gone, the group felt broken and the others were fading fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“They’re changing all the time,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Patton murmured before he too was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Changing all the time,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman sang and Deceit was left standing alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m changing all the time…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Deceit whispered. Tears stung his eyes and he closed them, tilting his head back to look toward the heavens. He could feel his body turning to ash and crumbling rapidly but still, a smile found its way to his scaled face. “I’ll see you soon, my loves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their bond was special and Deceit would cherish it always. He’d never forget the love that sang so strong in his heart. Not now, not ever. Never again.</span>
</p>
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